Wednesday, February 25, 2009

To Whom It May Concern...

Memorandum

To: The 2nd in Command of Heartbreak
From: The Best of Me

It's been brought to my attention via your actions of late that you no longer wish to be employed here. Should you need examples of the behavior that lead to this decision, allow me to offer you these: not showing up for work, not showing up for work on time, failure to complete assigned work and not being a team player. I want to let you know that it is with some measure of sadness that I have to inform you that the company has decided that it is no longer in its best interest to have you work here; so, we must let you go.

Your work here was not without merit. Some of your contributions will live on longer after your desk has been cleaned out and your security badge returned. The things that you taught the company about itself, such as it's ability to invest even after other investments have gone sour, to give partnerships we would have otherwise ignored because of prior convictions a chance and to always remember that hard work must be it's own reward. I must note that there are things about you that shall not be missed. I cannot allow you to leave without these points of constructive criticism: returning phone calls and messages is of the utmost importance to the mission of the company-which is first and foremost to provide outstanding customer service-and in failing to do so, you have "dropped the ball" in communication which cannot be tolerated, and giving just enough to get by is of no benefit to you or the company-thus if you cannot give a job your everything, then why give it anything at all? I am sad to say that had you invested more time in the company you would have seen that the company had much more to offer you than what you see on the surface. There any many benefits to be had here-a few of which you had the pleasure of sampling, however because of your untimely departure you will be unable to fully appreciate those benefits.

You have been with the company for over 3 years now and we want to let you know that some of our favorite memories of the work that was done here involve you and as such you will be missed. Because of recent budget cuts, we are unable to offer you a severance package. However, I do not think this will effect you at all--you always seemed like the type who would always land on his feet.

God's speed and goodbye.


Goodbyes always seem so final...but in this case it fits. Goodbye.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Confused...

So, in case you haven't noticed. I'm a little confused. More than a little...a lot.

There's a lot going on in my life right. And then, nothing at all at the very same time.

My ex got married. I didn't take that very well. It's not that I'm still in love with him...I'd lost that loving feeling a long time ago. It's just that when you replay the last 6 months of our correspondence, that last thing I expected him to say while I was standing in line at the pharmacy was "I'm engaged". I can't even believe that the whole thing is real...it seems like I'm dreaming. Like in any moment I'm going to wake up in a sweat, roll over and look at the clock to discover it's barely past 3 AM. I don't know what to think...or to say. I don't even know my place anymore. I've been friends and more than friends and then back more times that I can count with this person. It's like when you're 7 and your baby brother or sister starts playing with something you are way to old for...you don't really want them to have it, but you know it's really no good for you either. I'm lost. I want to talk and chit chat like the friends we were before he put a ring on this girl's finger...but I can't. Everything is different and as much as I had hoped that our friendship could weather anything...I was wrong...and you know, I've been wrong about a lot lately, so whats new??? I just never thought that the one friend I'd had since the beginning would be the one I'd lose...

I read somewhere that if a guy wants to be with you...get to you...he'll build a bridge to make that happen. Think the Golden Gate. Yeah, that big. I'm slowly realizing how true that is. So, here I am...all out on my island with not bridge. Boo. Not to mention that I'd given this person cables, and nails, high powered nail guns, cement...and a crane even. Still...no bridge. I had accepted my place on the list, because of how I felt. I'm no longer in that place. Not the list...I've definitely not moved up. I mean the place where I accept that. There are things I want from life...a condo in Atlanta, a car that costs more than most kids college tuition, world peace, to publish my book...be VP of PR for a company that makes it into Fortune Magazine for something really, really good. And taking crap from people who take advantage of how wonderful I am stops. now. I'm bored with waiting. And when I get bored, that's when I get into the most trouble.

And while I'm here...what is it about guys that makes them think that somehow this is all about them??? Newsflash...it's not about you. Just as you don't want to do this officially...that's the same way I don't want to be "just" friends. My bad for upsetting the natural order of things that had you all front and center and at the top of the list for getting things your way. This is not Burger King, ok??? I'm just so sick...and beyond tired of being sick. And so...all I can tell you is this...

Go put your head in a plastic bag...tie it...and breathe...deeply.

Later...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Get your roll on...

Your love is out of season/Be on your way...

That Dru Hill album...you know, the one they released before Sisqo dyed his hair platinum and starts dancing over the tops of thong wearing women in videos... It was the truth. I listened to it a lot over the weekend...and sang along and yes, even did the dance moves from the video. Don't judge me...

So, being the anti-cupid worked quite well. I spent the greater part of the day driving like a blessed fool to get to Boiling Springs to get something finished. That's at least an hour and some good change drive from Clemson. I made it well under an hour. 45 minutes to be exact. Juan Carlos is a GREAT car. The rest of the day I spent in my apartment, trying on shoes and possible ensembles for the week ahead and making my (famous...ask about it) shrimp pasta...with a slight variation of spinach instead of peppers and onions. Delish. I'd settled into bed to watch a movie...and then thought, hey, I've not been to a midnight movie in ages...let's make this happen. So, I did. I saw "Taken" which was a GREAT movie...though I need to warn you that you will come out of the movie way more patriotic than you may have ever thought possible. I may never travel internationally. Sunday was more of the same, another visit to Grandma's a little stimulus for the economy. It was a really good week-end all in all.

So, in case you didn't notice by my opening line... I've been really, really into old school music. I've downloaded stuff (all via iTunes, not so much because I'm anti-piracy, but because who doesn't love buying stuff for only $0.99???) that I haven't heard since my sophomore year. Things we used to listen to in Kim's car after she has taken 2 deep breaths to sober herself. Like, "Get your roll on". You know, back then the dances to songs were easy...now, you have to be all extra limber and coordinated. It's too much. And "Down Bottom"...and "Jigga My Nigga". Oh, you know you love those. You'd be killing it on the dance floor. Don't front... I downloaded Dru Hill...and some New Edition too. You know, I used to listen to exclusively R&B until I met the ex...and then he introduced me to Ghostaface Killah, OutKast and Killer Mike...and similar sounds. He created a monster. Which is unfair because he doesn't even listen to that stuff anymore...and I feel like a fiend he got hooked for funsies...boo. Now I'm addicted to hard beats, bass and treble...production first and then the quality of the lyrics. And R&B just doesn't soothe me like it used to. Now, when I'm in a ill mood, I listen to T.I. and Jeezy...not Marvin Gaye. I still appreciate the soulful music used to set the mood for my entire generation's procreation...I just don't listen to it in the car, that's all. Don't judge me...


And, I learned how to Rollerblade. YAY! I hadn't been on skates in about 10 years. I went to Dick's Sporting Goods and was not leaving the store without a bicycle or Rollerblades. I really, really wanted a bicycle...but it wouldn't fit in my car. I mean, it would've...but I was kind of afraid to scratch the leather... So, Rollerblades it was. They are pink (of course...what else???) and silver. And a helmet to match (well, almost) and all sorts of pads. I'm nothing if not clumsy. I looked like a child taking his/her first steps. Laugh. It was funny. I really, really sucked and I almost gave up. For real. I'm usually really good at everything I want to do the first time I try...and if not, definitely by the second. But this took some time. And I'm not perfect yet, but pretty soon I'll be taking on hills like a big girl :)

Later...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Don't drink the water...

Ok...it has to be said. Did Chris Brown really do it? I mean, really Chris... I'm not saying you did. But if you did, shame...

But didn't he always kinda have that "I might hit a girl" look about him???

So, moving on...

I've been baking a lot lately. A lot. And I'm not finished yet. I think I feel a pie in the horizon...apple maybe. Or a cake. Yes, a cake. Something with a swirl in it...raspberry or lemon. I'll think on it and let you know what I come up with.

I've been in a pretty "ehhh" mood lately. There's been a lot going on. Long story short is that my head is a bit of ticking time bomb... Save the jokes, this is serious folks. And I'm advised to stay far, far away from stress. Nothing like being told your body is betraying you to take you closer to stress than you really need to be...thanks, doc...thanks. You really...shouldn't have. But I'm managing. The rest of the bad-but-not-worse news will come later this week. And, in case you're wondering...I don't want to talk about...and thanks, but no thanks...there's nothing that you can do. And stop looking at me all pitiful like...

Staying away from stress if two-fold. One, it makes my head not hurt. Two, it makes my hair not fall out. And I'd like not be bald almost as much as I'd like my head to not hurt...so I'm trying to not stress. This is a lot easier said than done because in every free second 2 thoughts go through my head...and neither of this is of the non-stressful variety. I'm trying to find the motivation to work out, and as you can imagine, I have very little. I'm losing weight through no effort of my own, and my blood sugars are at an all time low... My bad if I don't feel like eating...my b.

I wish I could just let it all out... But I've become more reserved about my feelings in my old(er) age. And so, I'm just going to keep it, way deep down on the inside. In a box...next to the niceness :)

On a happier note, Grandma is doing awesome. I love her. She's my favorite. I spent 3 whole days in a row with her...laughing and taking it all in. Reliving moments of my childhood via pictures and stories. Trying not to think about what it will be like when/if I'm not there to fill that house with laughter or what my family will do without my sarcasm. Someone will have to keep them on their toes...and I'd like it to be me. As usual she sent me home with more food than a person knows what to do with and normally I'd share...especially since I'm not exactly hungry...but for some reason it just makes me feel better to open the fridge when I'm bored and see a little piece of home on the inside.

Later folks...

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

25 Random Things...the remix

Which actually makes 50... Check my facebook...

1. I dance like a crazed person in my apartment with my headphones in and my iTouch on...yet you are unlikely to see me do more than 2-step in public.

2. I have 2 tattoos. I'm going for a 3rd as soon as I can settle on something to get. I would have at least 8 if I didn't have a regular job.

3. I have the most profound thoughts when I'm in the shower. Because of this I have invested in those little soap crayons they make for kids to write with in the tub...yeah, I own those.

4. When I was younger I had an imaginary friend named Webster. My grandma would have to brush his hair every.single.day. or I would whine.

5. 2 things are major turn off...chapped lips and dirty nails. Wait, 3. dirty shoes...there's just no excuse.

6. New socks and underwear are my simplest pleasures.

7. I'm like a guy when it comes to most emotions...unless I like you and then I'm a total girl.

8. I used to be a sweet person. Now, not so much. I'm still sweet...way down deep on the inside. I like to think of my nice-ness like a cupcake you didn't know was filled with creme...like, hey, this cupcake looks really good...and WHOA...there's creme...

9. I hate to cry. I also hate pumping gas and going to the bank.

10. When I'm upset only 3 people can calm me down...and in that moment, you are not one of them.

11. I own over 100 pairs of shoes. 16 pair rotate through all seasons. The other are seasonal or special occasion shoes.

12. I am allergic to pretty much everything.

13. I do not love my parents unconditionally. That love has all kind of conditions...don't judge me. If you met my parents...

14. I have been in the same quasi-relationship for longer than most people stay married...yet, most people don't know who, and if they had to guess, would guess completely wrong.

15. I am the sickliest person you will ever met...something is almost always wrong with me. You will never know this because I never talk about it.

16. I worry that I'll be single forever.

17. I have the quickest tempter ever. However, I suppress this anger quite well. If you've seen me mad, you believe in God...if not...you've never seen me mad.

18. I rarely, if ever leave the house without mascara.

19. I grew up on a farm.

20. When I was little I wanted to be just like my Aunt Monica...I thought she was the prettiest person I'd ever seen.

21. I was in a car accident when I was 16 that left me in the hospital for a week...as a result, I didn't get my license until I was 20.

22. It's the boyfriends (and quasi-boyfriends) in my life that have taught me some of the most important things...like how to drive, how to appreciate real music, how pretty I look first thing in the morning (it's true), how to love, which shoes look best, why not to wear flip flops, which frat is superior to all others...and how to just be myself...

23. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college.

24. I'd rather eat vegetables that any thing else...even sweets. Especially if cooked by Grandma.

25. I read my Bible and pray every night before bed...and most people don't know this about me :)

Hope you enjoyed :)

Post-it

important things to note...


* the more naked and the more drunk a girl is, the more guys seem to care about her. seems to me, maybe you should have cared before the drinks...and maybe even before you let her leave the house all naked and what not... I'm just saying...


* there has been a sudden increase in bitchassness. it can hit you when you lease expect it. color nor creed nor sex nor greek affilitaion does not make you immune. you must have your guard up at all times.


* homies over hoes...but what if your homie is the hoe...and she's a good girl???


* i go to bed @ 930. i may not be asleep...but I'm in the bed. phone on silent. you better be dead or dying or both before you call or text me...


* karma is another word for re-gifting of the bullshit you give to other people. its a real phenomenon but people are sleeping on it lately. you dish it. but it rarely...if ever...comes back to you the same way you sent it out.


* if you love you. be with you. leave everyone else out. we love us. and will thank you later.


* 25 days...and counting...


* my prayers take a lot less time without you in them...




Just like me...

I can't be mad...you're just like me...

Screw that...

It's been...interesting. I've been having a lot of that lately. Its going to get better though. It has too.

t-4 days.

I'm stressed. My hair is falling out kind of stressed. I can't sleep at night always tired my body is rebelling against me kind of stress. The last time this happened it was a boy...well, truth be told 2 boys, that were causing these kinds of issues. Neither of those boys turned out to be worth it...and the truth is this one isn't either. I mean, I'm too cute...and too vain to be bald. Besides, even if he was worth all this trouble, I'd likely have to leave him anyway...I'm to grown to bothered with what amounts to a boy not being able to locate his penis because his vagina is in the way. Yeah, I said it. 2 things can be learned from my current situation: when forced to choose, choose you...and when all else fails-shoes fix everything.

I'd like to point out...that this whole having his face splashed all over my facebook is not cool. at. all. And I'd like it to stop...yesterday. And my pride is all I have left in matters of the heart...and I refuse to lose that too...

K came for the weekend a couple weeks ago. Fun times. I enjoy having people in town from college. It grounds me. And forces me to get my ass in gear and do something with my life. I would be such a jealous Julie if she wasn't my friend...and you can't help but love her even more for her fabulosity because she's so unaware of how truly fabulous she is.

I had an evening, a couple weeks ago I guess...that ended in a not so good way. I left barefoot, coat-less in a very sexy dress. And, en-route home I cried off all my fantastic eye make-up. This past Thursday ended much the same way...only I was far more clothed. I'd like to point out here...after I've told the tale of all my recent tears...that I don't really like to cry. I loathe crying. I try not to cry even when every fiber in my being is screaming 'cry'...I force emotions down with the same kind of force that causes those emotions to come rising to the top. I. don't. do. tears. But lately I feel those little droplets caressing my cheeks before I even know I'm sad enough to cry...and I don't like it. Not one bit. I'm not going to stop doing it real big with the eye makeup. No sir. What I am going to do is be all sorts of sweet in public...and be like, 'Awww..Shoot. Seems my give a damn is broken. I should send it out to be repaired huh??? And I would, except...I don't give a damn...' I think that people often fail to realize exactly what a person means to them until that person is unavailable for comment.

Ok...I should do work now. Later...