Friday, February 10, 2012

Don't love me...

I've been fishing. It was not a fruitful endeavor so I cut bait.. Didn't even bother reeling the line back in and salvaging the hook. No. grabbed my scissors, cut my losses---even lost my lure. I couldn't imagine the slow, time killing process of reeling back discover my hook lure practically laughing at me. It all had to go. Hell, I'm tempted to throw the rod in too.

By fishing, I mean dating... And by cutting bait, I mean cutting off a guy. I can't with them sometimes... I have no problem making the initial problem with the risk involved in investing my time, maybe even some emotion and not getting anything in return.

That's the thing about investments---you don't always get a return and sometimes, you lose.

What I'm not ok with---and here is *why* I've been cutting bait (so much more than I ever have before)---is a pond full of biting fish that lure you in, with no intention of taking your bait or ending up in your bucket headed for home.

Allow me to explain...

If you're not ready for a relationship---a real, live relationship---and all that encompasses---stop...STOP asking girls for their number. STOP acting interested. No, really. A woman (or a man) will not make you ready for commitment. You either are ready---or you aren't. Simple. The problem is that most men (I'm going to generalize here but I don't date the ladies...) aren't ready...not even close---but they want someone to pass the time with them, you know...practice---until they are ready. That's not ok. I'm not practice material. Most good, stable, wonderfully beautiful women are not practice material. But you keep soliciting our time with your good intentions and the promise of "some day soon". No sir. Not ok.

The road of regret is paved with good intentions. I'm not walking down that road any longer good, sir. You're on your own.

I've been that girl---not really ready for a committed relationship with a great guy who was. I broke that guy's heart---twice. The aftermath wasn't pretty. I thought that by being with someone who was ready to be with me I could secure a perfect mate and ready myself for him at the same time. It didn't work that way. Instead, I ended up frustrated and "smothered" and he was hurt and "tired of trying". It ended badly...twice. In the end I discovered that it really wasn't him---but me who needed to do some inside work. And by inside, I mean figuring out my deal breakers---what I was willing to give or not give and what I wanted from someone. I hate that I hurt someone who cared about me...but more importantly I hate that I didn't get a chance to earn some good love karma by not hurting him in the first place.

If you aren't ready to put someone else before yourself (for whatever reason)---you're not ready.
If you're not available---or ready to make time to be available---for conversation, quiet walks, dinners and movies (or whatever else a person needs from you to feel valued and for you to learn more about them)---you're not ready.
If you don't know who you are as a person, or what's important to you in life---you're not ready.
If you are unable to make a person feel wanted---no, desired---you aren't ready.
If you don't grasp that love matters more to someone with their heart open than anything else (that's real...)---you're not ready.
And no amount of time and companionship offered from practice material (or someone you decided to practice on) is going to make you ready. All you're doing is keeping someone who is ready from meeting another person who is also ready. Let that person go...or better yet, don't get them in the first place.

Better to be by yourself of your own choosing then to be cut off. Besides, you can earn some good love karma by being selective that way. And after all the practice you've may need it.

..."I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been... Here I go again on my own..."---Audra Mae