Thursday, April 23, 2009

What happens in the dark...

...will eventually show up in the mini feed.

What do I look like...captain save a relationship??? You gotta be kidding me...

So, my ex is married. Congrats. So thrilled for the both of them...really. While I don't necessarily agree with his decision I am actually happy for him. Finding the person that you are meant to be with is one of God's greatest blessings...and I can't hate on anyone for feeling as if they have found that. I don't agree with the decision for a multitude of reasons...none of which are the standard, "he should be with me". Those reasons are more along the line of "that's not what I would have done..." So, he's married and I'm happy that he's happy. yay. Really.

We still talk...*gasp*. Not so frequently as to create a problem but enough that I still consider him my friend. And if he were not married he'd be my best friend. The fact that he's married really throws the whole best friend thing for a loop because I can imagine that it would annoy his spouse that I can finish his sentences and that he knows I'm about to say something well before I actually have the words formulated in my head. Scary...

We are friends and apparently, this is a problem. Not for me...and I'm sure not for him...but for every.one.else. According to the masses I'm "disrespecting their marriage", "entertaining his feelings for me" and "causing problems". wow. Now, normally I don't care what anyone else thinks. And to be honest, this is not really an exception. But I must explain because I'm tired of people judging me. don't.judge.me. It's not a good look for anyone.

I do not love him. At all. Anymore. Not even a little. He will always have a very special place in my heart and my life because of all the time we've known each other. We stood by each other and loved each other through 6...almost 7 years. I can't imagine what life would be like if I couldn't ever talk to him or couldn't share in the moments in his life that make him happy...and he share in mine. If I wanted to complicate his marriage...or the relationship that led to the nuptials, I'd have done so. And please trust that I wouldn't be plotting and planning here in SC when he's 7+ hours away. What kind of sense does that make??? Furthermore, that's not who I am... I am however the type of person who refuses to cut off my nose to spite my face...and ending a friendship with someone who knows me as well as I know myself (better in some cases) would hurt far more than ending the actual relationship ever did.

Someone posed the question, "how would you feel if you were her..." and the answer to that question is "not as smart as the (awesome) femme who pens this blog..." . Seriously. If I were her, there's a whole lot about this situation that would different. That aside, I'd feel like this..."..." I don't care. I'm not like a lot of people. I'm not like a lot of females. Women get all bent out of shape when another female intrudes on their "man space". It becomes a battle of wills...lots of name calling and being bitter. All because he wanted to have a friend that had a vagina...and you, as the woman in his life is mad because you think what he's interested in is the vagina...and in all actuality...he's interested in having someone else to talk to besides...well, you. Granted, when I was younger, I fell into that category. Now, not so much. Go. Talk. Make friends. Do whatever it takes to get you off my (very comfy) sofa where you sit and stare at me like I'm the most awesome thing ever created (I might be, but please, go somewhere). I'm all about whomever I'm dating (married to should that occur one day) having friends. Whatever the sex. Because I've learned...the hard way...that you can't s top a boy from letting his penis wander. So, while she may fear that a) I want her husband and b) he wants me back... I'd like to say that c) none of that is true...and d) if you didn't know that already-you might want to rethink the vows. I'm just sayin'...

Enough with the "..."

Now.. I'll admit that I have no idea where he stands in the emotions area. But I would like say that in all his shortcomings The Ex has never been the type of guy to take marriage anything less than very serious. He's a good person. I'm sure he is an excellent husband. And I'm also sure that even if he did carry a torch for me he wouldn't have married her...and if he did, that's his bad...but that has nothing to do with me. Can't help it that I'm amazing. And...if all of that hasn't cleared up the "why are you still talking to him" issue...I leave you this: he is far more entertaining than the rest of you...and since when did Blackberry Messenger count as talking???...and why are you all in my business???...you want to pay the cellular bill???...it's due by the 10th and late after the 15th.

I want people to re-think what they post on Facebook. If you can't stop the virtual spewing of feelings and posting of pictures and new relationships then I ask that you change your privacy settings such that everything you get into does not show up on my mini feed. If you want to treat me like I don't know...then create a situation where I will actually not know. And, truthfully...Facebook is not that serious and I could honestly care less. It's just that it's in poor taste to behave in the way people do...and then act all different later like...it's not all online in e'rbody's mini feed. As classy as I keep it, it would be in poor taste for me not to let you know. If you plan to run game...keep your game tight...

In other news...

There isn't any. Keep it movin'

2 comments:

I BLEED PINK said...

Hey Shana -

This is Erica from Organizational Communications! Enjoyable blog you have!

mr. nichols said...

I don't necessarily agree with the people that say you're "disrespecting their marriage" unless there's stuff going on in private that the wife is not aware of.

I think the ownership falls on his shoulders though, and whether he is disrespecting his own marriage. I just got married in May and I still talk to female friends, but I'm always honest with my wife about it and I make sure they get to know my wife so there's nothing going on in secret. Friendships are valuable. So if he feels tempted or deceptive about his relationship with you, then that's a problem he needs to handle. But if it's not an issue and he's being honest about it, then it's not a big deal. Issues in a marriage exist from the inside out, not vice versa. Great post.