Wednesday, October 19, 2011

...no...just no...

Not exactly commandments---but an extended public service announcement...

Let me tell you what you're not going to do...

No, just no---do not text me when I've called you or call me when I've sent you a text message. Why would you do that? You know what happens when you do that---nothing. As in I don't answer nor do I reply. Crickets...

No, just no---do not "holla" at me with recycled rap lines. I listen to more music than you. I heard that line before it got radio play. Be original. Better yet---don't be. Give me a reason to publicly embarrass you. Please.

No, just no---do not mispronounce my name. I say it that way for a reason. Shana like Banana. If you don't understand the simple rules of rhyming you will not last with me.

No, just no---do not try and "holla" at my girl and then try me (or the opposite) when she does not accept your advances. This same sentiment goes if you don't even know we are friends...though the fact that we've been in the same social circle for years might have been a hint. Do some research. Better yet, don't. I love rolling my eyes at you when you try and act like I didn't see you all in my homegirl's ear. Love.

No, just no---do not lie. I have verbal picture perfect memory. This means I can recall every.single.word you've ever said to me. I'm hell in argument. Just tell truth...save yourself the trouble and me the time...

No, just no---do not follow me on Twitter or friend me on Facebook if you're just going to call me or text me every time I say/do/post/tweet something you do not approve of. Who are you? Nobody...

No, just no---do not expect boyfriend privileges when you have maintenance man security clearance. You know what that means. In this arrangement you are the worker. This is a job. You clock in. You clock out. You take your lunch breaks away from work---or you bring your meal with you. NO meals provided here. None---not even a Little Debbie. You don't sleep at work do you? No. Clock in. Work. Break. Work. Clock out. That's your security clearance. No, no you may not fix a sandwich. Or have the remote to change the channel. Or sleep over. Or bring your laundry. What do I look like? Yes, I enjoy being domestic for my boyfriend. You are not him. Check your badge sir...oh, what does it say...maintenance, right? Exactly.

...just don't ok....just don't...

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